How Long Will You Wait?

Your successes will be defined by the actions you take, not by the actions of others or the fates of the universe.

I hold this truth to be self-evident. How often do you sit in your wishes, your fears and longings waiting for the universe to bring change and good fortune to your doorstep? Many of us will sit for days, weeks, months and even years waiting for a desired life change or some type of emotional or physical relief.

I believe such change and relief only occurs after we take action that is intentional and focused. The power to positively affect your life comes from within, not from outside forces.

Contact Jim today for a complimentary 30-minute success coaching session.

This is the time of year that many of us will set well-intended goals geared towards self-improving, life enhancing change. I’m going to apply for that ideal job I keep thinking about, I’m going to get in better shape, I’m going to improve my health, I’m going to take that class I always wanted to take, I’m going to get better organized, I’m going to stop procrastinating and start doing, I’m going to stop feeling down all of the time, and everyone’s favorite, I’m going to start a diet and lose weight.  Often the mantra is I’m going to start at the beginning of next week or as soon as I-----. Too often we anticipate the arrival of a magical intervention that seldom arrives. I wonder how many of us will still be focused on our desired changes within the next few months.

Waiting to be rescued from inertia only assures the opportunity to continue waiting to be rescued. Success comes from focus, intention and the action that you take on a consistent basis.

If you are going to set a goal or make a resolution this new year let it begin with a commitment to take responsibility for your actions and for your successes.

Letting Go

 “Letting go” is a frequently used concept, I have heard addressed many times in the world of therapy and coaching that I have inhabited for eons and eons. I have often wondered what does “letting go” actually mean?  There are numerous physical and mental exercises that are geared towards helping us “let go” but the end result has not always been clear to me.


I had a recent experience that helped clarify what this concept truly means to me. I was out to dinner the other evening and as the bill was presented I reached into my pocket to remove the fold of money I had placed there before leaving home. To my surprise and dismay the cash had flown the coop. I frantically searched all pockets even though I was aware that I had never stored the money in any pocket save one. My wife and I retraced our steps trying to think through how I might have lost that valuable wad of painted paper. For several minutes I agonized over my misfortune and then a light went on.


I finally realized I had no way of knowing how or where I had lost the money. If I did, it wouldn’t be lost. I no longer had the means to retrieve the wayward dollars. I could not replace them as I sat in that cozy establishment. It suddenly dawned on me. I could only do one thing in that moment. I needed to figure out a way to pay for the meal my wife and I had just enjoyed and accept what I was experiencing at that moment as best as I possibly could.

Contact Jim today for a complimentary 30-minute success coaching session.

And there it was for me! Letting go is really accepting what is happening or what has happened without judging, negotiating, bargaining, redefining or trying to alter the outcome to our satisfaction.  

We may not always welcome the experiences we have but we can choose to either obsess over them, close our eyes and wish very hard for a different outcome, live in regret with tons of draining negative emotions or accept it as an event that has occurred and one that does not have to rule over our emotions and destiny. Acceptance is an understanding that we will have good and bad experiences on a daily basis. We frequently do not have control over when and where bad things occur and often cannot comprehend why they happen. We can have control over the attitude we carry forth and the actions we take following any experience.

 I believe when you are faced with an unsettling event you will be infinitely more satisfied when you focus on what you have control of in that moment, what action you  can take to affect your life in a positive manner and what can be gained; not what has been lost or what should have been.  

A Life Less Valued

How often do you embrace your life’s most cherished moments? What are the simple things in life that bring a smile to your face? What are the gifts of life that bring you the greatest sense of contentment and satisfaction?  You know those precious experiences that breathe energy into your spirit and fill your life with meaning and purpose. Our core values remain fairly constant but they can easily be misplaced or lost as we traverse through the pathways of our hectic lives.  

Would your choices be different if you were mindful of those experiences that brought the greatest value to your life? Perhaps you might start pursuing personal passions and dreams, engage in meaningful activities with family and friends more often, join a grass roots organization, extend a helping hand to a stranger you pass along the way, join a barber shop quartet, quit your job of 20 years and start that business you have always dreamed of, volunteer time and energy for a cause you embrace. How much more fulfilling would your activities and experiences be if they were aligned with your core values? 

You get the idea

It is easy to lose our connection to those internal prizes that bring us great rewards. There is the living of life that can derail us within the blink of an eye. There is so much to do, to accomplish in such a short period of time. And what do we have at the end of that time? 

There are many reasons why we end up distanced from those values and beliefs that hold great power and rewards for us?  We are driven to succeed in a frenetic and ever changing world. We are apprehensive of stepping off course, of making changes and of letting go. We are fearful of failing, of disappointing others. We are distracted by the maelstrom that is our daily life. The end result frequently leaves us feeling short-changed in satisfaction, sense of purpose and inner peace. 

There is always opportunity to reset your focus and action towards activities more aligned with what you truly value. Greater mindful awareness of what motivates the choices you make will be required.  You will need to take the time to reflect on what you do, why you do it and what your rewards are. 

• Identify and write down your core values 
• Note how often your choices are guided by these values
• List experiences that have brought you the greatest sense of fulfillment throughout your life. Record any that you have lost sight of along the way that were particularly important to you and that you would like to build back into your life.
• Develop a plan of action that allows you to maintain awareness of what you value most and identify how you will build in more experiences that follow you core values and beliefs. 
• Identify the benefits you will reap by following this action plan. You are much more likely to adhere to a new activity when the benefit is clear.
• Schedule time to review choices you make to assure that you are adhering to your action plan.  

The quality of life is determined by the choices we make and we thrive or suffer based upon them. If your choices are determined by your core values, you are destined to thrive.  

Contact Jim today for a complimentary 30-minute success coaching session.

"I’ll Do It Later. I Have Plenty of Time"

This is a wonderful rationalizing and self-defeating phrase used by many of us but much more frequently by those professionals who struggle with traits of ADD. Folks who struggle with organizing their work and schedules, prioritizing, focusing their efforts, staying on task, completing tasks on time, completing tasks at any time, following through with commitments and feeling competent in their endeavors.

Too often” later” gets here way before it is expected and the project, assignment; task is late or never completed. These are well intentioned people who will tell me that they often overestimate the time they have available to complete something and underestimate the time it will take to get the job done.

Contact Jim today to learn how coaching can benefit your career and your life.

Many of my coaching clients fall into the “I have plenty of time” or “I do my best work when the pressure is on” mind-trap. My customary response is how much later and at what cost? 

 Along the road to “later” we suffer through days of increased worry, anxiety, anticipation and fitful or reduced sleep as “later” approaches ever closer and still we remain frozen in our inactivity.

There is typically an adrenalin rush during those last hours as we are faced with a sense of urgency and dread. We rally to the cause, too often working for hours under intense stress to complete our task on time. While we may feel successful with our outcome, we are unaware of the price we have paid with our overtaxed emotions and physical well-being.

I encourage the professionals I work with to stop overpaying their emotional pipers:

• Build and maintain a system of accountability that allows you to begin working on priorities earlier in the process.
• Identify unpleasant aspects about the project that leads you to delay or avoid it.
• Identify aspects of the project that you embrace or enjoy. Make it fun wherever possible.
• Be realistic when setting expectations of time needed to work on the project and time available to do the work.
• Be aware and honest about your patterns of work and look for ways to build in new habits.
• Break the task into smaller parts.
• Schedule a time to focus on an initial part of the project and set a time or date for completion. Completing parts of the task on time will allow you to build a sense of mastery and the confidence to keep going.
• Maintain accountability to your project and timeframe you have set. Tell someone what you are working on, how you are working on it and when you intend to finish. Keep them in the loop as you move forward or if you fall behind. 

Most of all be honest with yourself. Can you really afford to do it later? Do you really have plenty of time? Really?

Contact Jim today to learn how coaching can benefit your career and your life.

The Power of Persistance

 I was working strenuously to build at least a semblance of a muscle at the gym the other day when I noticed a young man working a seemingly uninspiring exercise. This gym-master simply shrugged his shoulders while holding a barbell at the end of his arms. I wondered what would drive someone to do this tedious exercise even just a few times.  It wasn’t exciting. He didn’t look like the Incredible Hulk when he was finished. He looked just the same as he did before he started.

I decided this fellow would need to replicate this routine many times before any observable result would be achieved. Yet here he was repeating this movement over and over no matter how dull it appeared to me.

The thought that this man had patience, persistence and trust in what he was doing immediately crossed my mind. He persisted in this activity despite the presence of any immediate reward. He knew if he maintained this routine he would reap the reward of a stronger and healthier body over a period of time.

How many of us are willing to persist in any routine that doesn’t offer an immediate return on our investment? To trust that our replicated actions are leading to enhanced health, wealth, professional and personal performance, quality of life?

"Achieving long-term benefits takes persistence, patience and trust."

This is the era of immediate stimulation and reward. You want to feel better? Take a pill, put on your headphones and blast music into your brain, call a friend while your are driving on the expressway at 75 miles per hour, get on line and socialize with two thousand of your closest friends, gulp a Grande Mocha-Ole-Latte-Light with a Red Bull Chaser and feel the immediate rush. Everything is in the moment, with little thought about the outcome of our actions or a willingness to defer immediate gratification for a longer lasting reward. No time to think about what I am doing now. I got things to do and I want to feel a rush of energy and emotion at every turn of my life.   

Achieving long-term benefits takes persistence, patience and trust. Sometimes the activity will not be glamorous or exciting, but if it is well designed you will reap sustained benefits and rewards.  When you set your sights on the Golden Goose be ready to replicate behaviors that work, trust that what you are doing will serve your best interest and be willing to wait for the return on your investment.  

Contact Jim today to your complimentary introductory coaching session.

Tame The Beast That Runs You Ragged

Does it ever stop?

• Your boss’ last-minute emergency that has to be tended to before we can escape into the darkness of night. 
• Never-ending demands on our all-too-limited time.
• The relationship that needs our attention and nurturing.
• Family time, family crisis.
• Soaring expenses and plummeting cash flow.
• Gridlock, medical bills, national, political and financial meltdowns.
• Emotional overload and dare I say it? The end of Two and A Half Men as we know it, (yikes could the end of our civilization be upon us?).

In this helter-skelter world that we live in constant transitions is the rule. How we thrive through these transitions is critical to a successful and a valued existence.

Great value is attributed to human resiliency, the innate ability to rebound from devastating life experiences and to succeed against all odds.
There are a multitude of historical accountings of individual and community devastations and recovery that support our remarkable ability to flourish during incredibly dire circumstances.

But, how do we flourish during persistent and enduring change and daily stressful experiences?  I believe mindful awareness and conscious proactive choices are critical if we are to flourish during these never ending transitions.
It is imperative to have awareness of your external as well as your internal worlds. It is easier to see what is before you than what lies within you and yet both are critical to our well being. Our internal world is filled with thoughts, emotions and fears that we are all too often unaware of or tend to avoid paying attention to. 

Take note of what you are experiencing throughout the day. Ask these critical questions whenever you feel your actions aren’t leading you towards desired outcomes or when you have lost control of your focus, time and activity

• What am I doing?
• What is motivating me to do this (planful/mindful focus, strong emotions, a need for immediate gratification, distractions, fears, outside demands, feeling tired and needing a break)?
• What outcome am I seeking?
• Is what I am doing critical to this outcome?
• Will this outcome allow me to flourish?
• Have I lost my focus? 
• Am I in control of my actions or am I being controlled by them?
• Do I need to change my behavior?
• What is one thing I can do or stop doing quickly that will improve my situation?

Contact Jim to learn more about how you can achieve what matters most to you and begin living your "no-limits" life.

We frequently do not have control over what happens to us on a daily basis. While we seem to put forth great effort towards controlling our environment, it is quite common for universal forces to exert unexpected events upon us.

What we can control more successfully but not completely is how we face these events and the attitude we maintain during each experience. Being aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions give you an opportunity to make proactive choices that engender positive outcomes.

We typically do not step back to ask mindful questions as a part of our daily routine. This will take time and practice. Make an effort each day to step back and ask a few mindful questions when you are faced with a difficult transition or experience.

Remember, good choices typically lead to good outcomes. 

Keep track of your accomplishments to fuel future success

How often do you question your efforts to make any progress towards personal or professional goals you have set?  

Many professionals I have coached initially find themselves bogged down in self-doubt and negative focus.  When asked to review their progress they will list a litany of all of the things they have not done and note how discouraged they feel. 

When asked to identify what they have accomplished over the past week they struggle to recall any positive actions.

Here is a simple action that can be invaluable when you fall into this trap:

Take an inventory of your accomplishments each day.  Set aside a few moments each day to identify successes and positive steps you have taken that you find noteworthy and write them down, then review your inventory each week.

It is easy to get distracted by all of the things that go wrong in your day and week. You never want to lose sight of your accomplishments and significant efforts. Your ability to be mindful of what you have achieved will provide impetus for continued effort and ultimate success. 

Need help identifying your current and future goals? Contact Jim to learn more about how to begin living your "no-limits" life.

Write it down: Keep track of your successes each day

How often do you question your efforts to make any progress towards personal or professional goals you have set?  Many professionals I have coached initially find themselves bogged down in self-doubt and negative focus.  When asked to review their progress they will list a litany of all of the things they have not done and note how discouraged they feel. 

When asked to identify what they have accomplished over the past week they struggle to recall any positive actions.

Here is a simple action that can be invaluable when you fall into this trap.

Take an inventory of your accomplishments each day. Set aside a few moments each day to identify successes and positive steps you have taken that you find noteworthy and write them down, then review your inventory each week.

It is easy to get distracted by all of the things that go wrong in your day and week. You never want to lose sight of your accomplishments and significant efforts. Your ability to be mindful of what you have achieved will provide impetus for continued effort and ultimate success.  

Contact Jim to learn more about how to begin living your "no-limits" life.

    

But I never planned on being a hat check girl in a Chinese deli!

So how did I get here?

By luck?  By accident? By trusting in the good intentions of others?

If you believed you were going to be an astronaut and ended up working as a Hat Check Girl in a Chinese Deli, chances are you never designed and followed an action plan that was based on your skills, your values, your goals.

Mindless focus and behavior often places us at the mercy of luck, accidents and the good or bad intention of others.

Take a moment to identify a personal or professional goal. Identify the steps it would take to reach that goal. Commit to taking the initial step towards that goal and set a completion deadline. Share this deadline with someone you trust.  Periodically share your progress towards this step with that person to assure accountability.

Three questions to help you get started on the path to helping you identify and achieve a personal and professional goal.

Use It Or Lose It

How many times have you sat through an exhilarating and compelling presentation/self-help workshop and walked away motivated and self-assured of achieving success?

You may try out a few learned techniques/strategies for a few days or weeks, but if you approximate the typical adult you will quickly fall back into long held patterns of behavior.

Habit will dictate what we do in a variety of settings over the course of our lives. We are often unaware of how comfortable these habits are. They often go unnoticed in the work place as well as in our personal lives. They lead us towards behaviors that are automatic and based in comfort rather than behaviors that lead to success and productivity.

If you want to implement new and improved behaviors follow the answer to the question,

"How Do You Get to Carnegie Hall?" 

"Practice, Practice, Practice!"

If you are excited by something you have learned and you feel it has value in your life,  make it a habit.  Create a new habit that offers higher returns on you efforts.

Three questions to help you get started on the path to helping you identify and achieve a personal and professional goal.

Commit time and effort each week to practicing the new pattern of action. Schedule it into your weekly routine and adhere to the schedule. Make sure to review and assess your progress and the overall value of the new behavior. We are more likely to continue a behavior if we are clear of what the benefit is.

We will quickly extinguish a behavior when it has little reward.

Contact Jim to learn more about how to begin living your "no-limits" life.

How Do We Change?

Often, with resistance and resentment, cautiously, slowly, apprehensively and with uncertainty and confusion. Productive change comes from commitment and resolve, from intentional activity, energy, enthusiasm and resilience.

The process of change is packed with a multitude of emotions and behaviors that are both beneficial and detrimental. Ah the Ying and the Yang of life.

Yet we change because we must on occasion, because we can on others. More importantly we change because we have the opportunity to choose and affect a better way of living and thriving.

There are experts who believe they understand the process of change and suggest that following their guide exactly as they direct it will lead to successful and rewarding change and they are probably right at times.

I work from a belief that we are more likely to act upon and sustain productive effort when we respond to ideas, structures and values that we embrace as our own and hold to be true.

As a coach, I embrace this principle and encourage individuals to explore and develop goals/aspirations/dreams and action plans that emanate from their own driving principles, passions and views of themselves and the world they live in.

My role as a coach is to walk along as a part of the journey, stimulating thought, creativity and intentional behavior, problem solving, exploring and removing road blocks and celebrating the successes along the path rather than directing the steps.

Change is process of time and movement and must be embraced.