Letting Go

 “Letting go” is a frequently used concept, I have heard addressed many times in the world of therapy and coaching that I have inhabited for eons and eons. I have often wondered what does “letting go” actually mean?  There are numerous physical and mental exercises that are geared towards helping us “let go” but the end result has not always been clear to me.


I had a recent experience that helped clarify what this concept truly means to me. I was out to dinner the other evening and as the bill was presented I reached into my pocket to remove the fold of money I had placed there before leaving home. To my surprise and dismay the cash had flown the coop. I frantically searched all pockets even though I was aware that I had never stored the money in any pocket save one. My wife and I retraced our steps trying to think through how I might have lost that valuable wad of painted paper. For several minutes I agonized over my misfortune and then a light went on.


I finally realized I had no way of knowing how or where I had lost the money. If I did, it wouldn’t be lost. I no longer had the means to retrieve the wayward dollars. I could not replace them as I sat in that cozy establishment. It suddenly dawned on me. I could only do one thing in that moment. I needed to figure out a way to pay for the meal my wife and I had just enjoyed and accept what I was experiencing at that moment as best as I possibly could.

Contact Jim today for a complimentary 30-minute success coaching session.

And there it was for me! Letting go is really accepting what is happening or what has happened without judging, negotiating, bargaining, redefining or trying to alter the outcome to our satisfaction.  

We may not always welcome the experiences we have but we can choose to either obsess over them, close our eyes and wish very hard for a different outcome, live in regret with tons of draining negative emotions or accept it as an event that has occurred and one that does not have to rule over our emotions and destiny. Acceptance is an understanding that we will have good and bad experiences on a daily basis. We frequently do not have control over when and where bad things occur and often cannot comprehend why they happen. We can have control over the attitude we carry forth and the actions we take following any experience.

 I believe when you are faced with an unsettling event you will be infinitely more satisfied when you focus on what you have control of in that moment, what action you  can take to affect your life in a positive manner and what can be gained; not what has been lost or what should have been.  

A Life Less Valued

How often do you embrace your life’s most cherished moments? What are the simple things in life that bring a smile to your face? What are the gifts of life that bring you the greatest sense of contentment and satisfaction?  You know those precious experiences that breathe energy into your spirit and fill your life with meaning and purpose. Our core values remain fairly constant but they can easily be misplaced or lost as we traverse through the pathways of our hectic lives.  

Would your choices be different if you were mindful of those experiences that brought the greatest value to your life? Perhaps you might start pursuing personal passions and dreams, engage in meaningful activities with family and friends more often, join a grass roots organization, extend a helping hand to a stranger you pass along the way, join a barber shop quartet, quit your job of 20 years and start that business you have always dreamed of, volunteer time and energy for a cause you embrace. How much more fulfilling would your activities and experiences be if they were aligned with your core values? 

You get the idea

It is easy to lose our connection to those internal prizes that bring us great rewards. There is the living of life that can derail us within the blink of an eye. There is so much to do, to accomplish in such a short period of time. And what do we have at the end of that time? 

There are many reasons why we end up distanced from those values and beliefs that hold great power and rewards for us?  We are driven to succeed in a frenetic and ever changing world. We are apprehensive of stepping off course, of making changes and of letting go. We are fearful of failing, of disappointing others. We are distracted by the maelstrom that is our daily life. The end result frequently leaves us feeling short-changed in satisfaction, sense of purpose and inner peace. 

There is always opportunity to reset your focus and action towards activities more aligned with what you truly value. Greater mindful awareness of what motivates the choices you make will be required.  You will need to take the time to reflect on what you do, why you do it and what your rewards are. 

• Identify and write down your core values 
• Note how often your choices are guided by these values
• List experiences that have brought you the greatest sense of fulfillment throughout your life. Record any that you have lost sight of along the way that were particularly important to you and that you would like to build back into your life.
• Develop a plan of action that allows you to maintain awareness of what you value most and identify how you will build in more experiences that follow you core values and beliefs. 
• Identify the benefits you will reap by following this action plan. You are much more likely to adhere to a new activity when the benefit is clear.
• Schedule time to review choices you make to assure that you are adhering to your action plan.  

The quality of life is determined by the choices we make and we thrive or suffer based upon them. If your choices are determined by your core values, you are destined to thrive.  

Contact Jim today for a complimentary 30-minute success coaching session.

How Do We Change?

Often, with resistance and resentment, cautiously, slowly, apprehensively and with uncertainty and confusion. Productive change comes from commitment and resolve, from intentional activity, energy, enthusiasm and resilience.

The process of change is packed with a multitude of emotions and behaviors that are both beneficial and detrimental. Ah the Ying and the Yang of life.

Yet we change because we must on occasion, because we can on others. More importantly we change because we have the opportunity to choose and affect a better way of living and thriving.

There are experts who believe they understand the process of change and suggest that following their guide exactly as they direct it will lead to successful and rewarding change and they are probably right at times.

I work from a belief that we are more likely to act upon and sustain productive effort when we respond to ideas, structures and values that we embrace as our own and hold to be true.

As a coach, I embrace this principle and encourage individuals to explore and develop goals/aspirations/dreams and action plans that emanate from their own driving principles, passions and views of themselves and the world they live in.

My role as a coach is to walk along as a part of the journey, stimulating thought, creativity and intentional behavior, problem solving, exploring and removing road blocks and celebrating the successes along the path rather than directing the steps.

Change is process of time and movement and must be embraced.