One Small Step For You - One Giant Leap Towards Your Goal

                         

What if, you decided to take one small step towards a desired goal rather than just thinking about it or waiting for divine intervention today? Would you be thinking differently about yourself?  Would you like to think differently about yourself?

      

I think they call that grabbing the bull by the horns, although that seems quite dangerous with high potential for a painful experience.

I would suggest a path that is painless and with a much higher reward ceiling.

You know what they say; inertia begets inertia. Actually I have never heard anyone use that phrase but the words ring true. If you sit still long enough there will only be more sitting to follow.

One small step, what might that be you ask?  It could be something as simple as:

·      Putting down your I Pad, Smart Phone etc. and telling someone what your goal is and why it is important to you.

·       Sitting down and charting the steps you would need to take.

·      Making that first phone call to get the ball rolling.

·       Identifying the thoughts that have held you back and asking someone to give you a hand getting started.

·      Researching the information you need to put your plan into action.

·      Asking your professor for help when you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed by your assignment.

·      Identifying the resources that can bring your goal to fruition.

·       Getting off the couch, turning the television off and asking for help is always a great beginning.

I am always suspicious when someone tells me they intend to quit smoking next Monday and it is Tuesday. While I believe they are well intended, I know they are negotiating internally and chances are very high that come Monday they will still be puffing away.

It is always easier to put off challenges for another day, but we all know that this is seldom helpful or rewarding, and all too often tomorrow never arrives on time.  

Activity breeds more activity and in turn confidence. You can’t complete something until you begin something. 

Don’t set a start date; start today!   

What Happens when a Student with ADD Goes to College?

Yikes College!  Here I am on my own (finally) in a world filled with new friends, parties, social events, sporting events, non-stop activities and oh yeah major responsibilities like those challenging college classes and those never-ending assignments.

So many distractions and so little time to focus on that “learning stuff.” It’s great being on my own but who is going to make sure I get to class every day and complete my assignments on time? And forget study time. College doesn’t have the same daily structured routine like I had in high school that I hated, but so needed.

I don’t have my parents pushing me to study and focus on my priorities every day. Can I trust myself to make good decisions? Who can I rely on when I start to doubt myself and lose sight of what works for me. Can I survive all of these distractions and manage on my own?

Oh well no time to worry there’s a party down the hall.

ADD and the Challenge of College

I am sure you are aware of the multitude of challenges that college students with ADHD face on a daily basis.

These students often exhibit above average intelligence and great creativity. Unfortunately these attributes are frequently insufficient to assist the student in managing inhibiting traits of ADD such as:

•   impulsivity,

•   procrastination,

•   poor follow-though,

•   low frustration tolerance,

•   difficulty prioritizing,

•   difficulty staying focused,

•   self-doubt,

•   low self-esteem,

•   anxiety and

•   depression.

Is it any wonder that students with ADD frequently under perform and, even worse, give in to their struggles and give up? 

Too often these students lack awareness of how their traits negatively affect them and how to work effectively to overcome their ADD. They operate on habit and impulse rather than self-awareness, focus and intention. And now they carry the responsibility of structuring their time and days, organizing their work load, managing their impulses and making decisions that will impact their outcomes favorably or unfavorably and many times they are unprepared for this responsibility.

Overcoming ADD and Achieving Success in College and Life: Don’s Story

I had the enjoyable opportunity to coach a student at Columbia College. Don (I call him Don but his mother has never used that name to call him to dinner) is a highly creative, intelligent and artistically gifted student who was underachieving and who feared he was on the verge of failing out of school.

Don struggled with time management, prioritizing, sustaining focus, follow through, self-doubt and anxiety. We met weekly through the semester and focused on techniques to help Don manage his anxiety to afford him sufficient energy to develop a structured routine that he could be intentional and consistent with.

As many students and adult professionals do, Don initially struggled with the idea of a structured routine and frequently fell back into old habits that did not serve him well. Eventually, through repetition and with support and encouragement, Don began to see the benefit of having a routine that he could embrace as his own and one that began to evidence new successes. Don’s ability to manage his time effectively grew through this process and became less of a deficit.

Don‘s routine was developed to allow him to identify priorities and to set daily and weekly goals with deadlines for each priority. He factored in potential roadblocks and distractions and built in proactive plans for managing these roadblocks and distractions.

Don focused on setting realistic expectations that he could meet which afforded him an opportunity to build on his small successes rather than experiencing failure which he often anticipated. We maintained daily accountability check-ins via email to assure that the focus was not lost to distractions and impulse.

Don was an expert on all of his deficits, shortcomings and failures. He could rattle them off in little time. He was quite accomplished in the art of overwhelming himself with a steady stream of negative thinking.  He seldom thought of himself as a competent student, capable of achieving his goals or even performing adequately. Could self-doubt be far behind? I encouraged Don to develop an inventory of past and present accomplishments and suggested that he gather objective information from family and friends that he could use to practice challenging his negative thoughts. 

Don avoided communicating directly with his teachers when he was struggling with a project or assignment. He feared that he would not ask the right questions, hear the answer he was avoiding or show himself to be inadequate. I encouraged Don to gather information that would allow him to know what was expected and how he was performing.

After a number of role playing conversations and some hesitation Don was ready to sally forth. Eventually he learned that he could express his concerns effectively, gather objective information, reduce his anxiety and formulate decisions based on facts rather than fear.

Through his persistence, consistent effort, willingness to develop new habits and greater self-awareness Don’s performance improved, his confidence grew and his self-doubt began to dwindle. I am happy to report that Don recently graduated with honors and is currently focused on developing his own business. 

Don’s experience demonstrates how coaching works and what the positive outcomes can be. ADD is not a pre-determinate of negative outcomes and failure. Coaching often is a significant factor in the development of critical behaviors and activities that leads to success in college and in life.

Jim Sobosan is a success coach who focuses on moving people towards intentional behavior that empowers them to meet the challenges of ADD and excel professionally and personally. For more information or to schedule a complimentary introductory coaching session with Jim, visit http://www.jimsobosan.com.

What If.....

                                                                 What If……..

Ahhh, the awesome power of those two little words.  They can quickly raise a heart beat, freeze us in our tracks, squash our hopes and dreams and torment our sleep.

These two little words can project us deep into the unknown and wreck havoc upon our present day lives. “What if”, I take this job and I fail? “What if”, it’s not perfect? What if”, I go to the party and say the wrong thing? “What if”, I ask him/her out and they reject me? “What if”, I don’t know the right answer? What if “, I try and fail? And the ever popular What if “, they don’t like me? Once we hop on the What If train our journey is destined to be bumpy and fraught with perils and disappointment.

I say What If, is useful only when it moves us towards planning, preparation and forward action, which unfortunately it frequently does not.

I offer What Is as the preferential choice. What Is, eliminates the fear and dread of What If.  It gives you real time information that affords you an opportunity to objectively review your goal and the path leading to it.   Paying attention to what you know will engender confidence and inspire action much more frequently than sitting in your worry and apprehension about something that has yet to happen and may in fact never happen.   

The next time you think about an action you want to move towards and you find yourself anticipating the What If disasters destined to befall you, stop, take a time out and think about the information you have, “just the facts mam”. Take an inventory of similar situations you have managed successfully. Replicate steps and behaviors that have led to positive outcomes.  

Create an action plan ahead of time to help you manage the what ifs, should one or more materialize.

Knowing what you will do in any worrisome situation, will free you from the free fall of dread and fear.

Take control of the moment, silence the “What If” beast before it awakens and take a walk on the wild side.     

Be sure to check in each Wednesday as I explore opportunities to turn “What If” into a source of energizing momentum.

Create Intentional Habits And Get The Best Out Of You

               

              Create Intentional Habits And Get the Best Out of You

I often chuckle when reminded of an independent financial advisor, Lenny who referred to his business efforts as hunting for the biggest bear in the woods. He spent a great deal of time tracking down the largest critter in the land and every now and then bagged the grand trophy, but when his shot failed him, he became fearful of surviving leaner times. Lenny frequently ignored the opportunity to gather in the smaller but bountiful resources that would sustain him through the harshest times and allow him to thrive when that champion trophy was hibernating.      

What matters most in the world of sales? That’s easy, generating sales and reaping the rewards of the commission. Is that happening as often as you would like? Are you performing at your optimum level? Are you sitting around waiting for that big ol bear to jump out of the woods?

Everyone knows the key to obtaining clients - place phone in hand and dial, dial, dial, contact people who may have never heard of you, stimulate their interests in your product and the potential benefits for them, cultivate and maintain a trusting relationship and seal the agreement. Easy peezy, right?

  

Not so much; for many in the sales arena these behaviors are difficult to replicate on a consistent basis. There are ever- present worries, distractions and demands upon time and emotions. The dread of cold calling, the personal rewards of building and sustaining meaningful client relationships versus the desire and demand for high achievement and big rewards can distract many professionals. 

The key to replicable success is having a balance between structured activity and the formulation and maintenance of trusting relationships. The value of making calls, scheduling meetings and acquiring the client is obvious and an absolute to success. The value of building quality professional relationships is clear, but the critical steps are often not adhered to. 

Structured activity is easy for some. It can be quite challenging for others, especially for those who are working for themselves or have the added pressure of  generating commissions. Many professionals are impacted by the pressures of having to structure their activity when business isn’t flowing as planned. Worry and anxiety frequently appear and can derail focus and intention for brief and even extended periods of time. When this happens we are much more likely to lose sight of our routine and experience increased stress.

During these times, I urge action over inertia. Start with small routines that can lead back to focused and structured activity. Make a commitment to develop habits that disrupt self-defeating behaviors, such as:

·    Exercising for 10- 15 minutes before going into the office or at the office. This can increase energy and concentration 

·    Develop a plan of action for your day the night before (identify 1-5 clients you want to call in the a.m.).

·     Get to the office 10 minutes earlier than usual, pick up the phone and dial as soon as you sit down at your desk (this limits the time you have to talk yourself out of the call).

·     Avoid checking voice mail and leave your computer off until you make that first call.

·     Alternate difficult tasks with easier or more enjoyable ones.

·     Write down a daily inventory of your strengths (know what you do well and know how to communicate that), goals and successes,

·     Set a deadline for project completion.

·     Ask for help when you need it.

Effective follow through, mindful activity, time management, skillful communication are critical keys to success.

Working with a coach offers an opportunity to build focused intentional routines that can lead to successful outcomes more consistently. This process focuses on maximizing strengths, minimizing self-defeating behaviors, developing strong habits that sustain success and maintaining consistent intentional and proactive activity.

Happy Hunting!

High Energy, Limited Focus, Low Success? Is It Time For a Plan?

            High Energy, Limited Focus, Low Success? Is It Time For a Plan?   

Does the lack of focus, poor follow through or procrastination hold you back from “being all that you can be”?  Be like Murray. Learn to develop an authentic action plan that helps fuel greater success. 

I have worked with numerous professionals who typically prefer to set their own pace, priorities and work schedules. These professionals frequently gravitate towards careers that offer flexibility with routine, a high frequency of human interaction, loose structure, daily tasks that provide high energy, variety and  quick rewards from their efforts. It is not surprising to find these professionals  being attracted to careers in sales, financial advising, consulting, independent business ownership, event planning, creative arts, law and entertainment.

These professionals are quite often very bright, uniquely creative and personable. Unfortunately, many of these Rough Riders (Think Teddy Roosevelt and his boys charging up the hill into a hail of bullets with eyes tightly shut) also share traits that inhibit or impede their ability to be as effective and successful as they would hope to be. Some of the traits that may limit their success are:

·        procrastination,

·        poor follow-through

·        low frustration tolerance

·        difficulty prioritizing

·        lack of focus
·        poor organization and communication skills

·        impulsivity

·        easily distracted

·        self-doubt

·        low self-esteem despite significant professional accomplishments

·        anxiety

·        depression

While many of these professionals have some awareness of these traits, they frequently lose sight of how often their performance is negatively affected by them. They have learned to quickly explain away, justify or ignore their stifling tendencies out of self-preservation.

The Saga of Murray the Financial Advisor

I am reminded of a coaching relationship that I have had with an independent financial advisor who I shall call Murray. Murray is a gregarious, well-liked and extremely bright man with an exemplary education and high level of corporate training. He was viewed as a rising star in a number of the arenas in which he worked. He placed high expectations on himself, as did many professionals who knew him. Unfortunately, Murray struggled with a number of the aforementioned traits, which eventually led to his fall from grace in the eyes of his mentors and leaders.

Yes, Murray was bright and gifted, but he was also impulsive, had difficulty staying focused on critical tasks, had poor follow through, struggled with organizational skills, was easily distracted and often found himself bogged down by  procrastination.  For years, Murray had relied on his intellect, charm and ability to bob and weave when cornered. He frequently convinced himself that things were better than reality demonstrated. All too often Murray underperformed and his lofty goals were too often not reached. Murray’s undercurrent of anxiety and self-doubt were stoked each time a goal or opportunity was missed. This pattern was repeated many times over. Years of underachievement eventually led Murray to a critical decision. He had to change!

Murray was more successful when he adhered to a consistent routine.

The decision to change was easy; putting forth consistent effort to make change happen, not so much. Murray struggled with maintaining the structured plan that he developed during our coaching sessions. I truly believe that we are much more likely to adhere to a plan that is ours and I encouraged Murray to create a plan that he believed in and could embrace. Murray had learned to say all of the right things to keep people off balance, but struggled mightily when he faced his soft shoe act with eyes wide open.

Murray was more successful when he adhered to a consistent routine, but had difficulty sustaining organized efforts for more than a few short bursts each week. Murray had great disdain for tedious activities and he looked for opportunities to avoid these burdensome tasks. He would rather focus on the big prize activity and would step away from the structured, organized process that he knew was critical for his success. Murray was trapped in his self-defeating habits and because he worked for himself, he had minimal external and internal controls to help him get back on track.

Murray needed a well devised action plan that he had developed, but he also needed a reason to adhere to the plan and develop new skills to help him do so.

During his coaching sessions Murray was encouraged to review the value of his goals, his efforts and to identify each trigger that led him to deviate from his plan and the negative outcomes that culminated from his distracted activities. Through this review Murray was able to take ownership of his behavior, to track inhibiting patterns and to recommit to his plan to be more effective and consequently more successful.

Know your strengths and own your responsibilities

I focused on helping Murray to maximize his strengths and to develop behavior patterns that would allow him to have more productive outcomes each week. Murray learned to utilize techniques to enhance his focus, time management and follow through. He was encouraged to set blocks of time that allowed him to maximize his ability to sustain his attention and efforts. Building in short breaks and rewards allowed Murray to reset his focus and sustain additional activity.  We addressed the tasks that Murray viewed as tedious, such as calling clients and referral sources to ask for additional business or developing reports and we identified strategies for maximizing his outcomes. 

I reminded Murray to build on small steps that led to larger rewards and to log his efforts to track productive and unproductive activity. Murray had difficulty delaying gratification and needed to reward himself for productive activity and was encouraged to do so. He was also encouraged to set expectations that were within his realm of competence and attainment, as he tended to set grand goals that were too often not reached and which would frustrate him and sabotage future efforts. 

Build your strengths into your action plan

Finally, Murray took the time to pay more attention to his strengths and build those strengths into his action plan. He loved his contact with clients and referral sources, but he had never thought about how he might interact with his clients in a manner that would generate more business. By being more mindful of what he did well Murray was able to do it better, more often and with more passion. Murray’s financial rewards grew the more he embraced and adhered to his routine. What is equally, or even more important, is the boost Murray achieved in his self-esteem and his appreciation for what his true capabilities are.  

Murray spent a great deal of time avoiding and bobbing and weaving around his doubts and fears for eons. Now he spends a great deal of time focused on goals knowing they are within his reach.      

Murray learned to develop and utilize techniques to enhance his focus, time management and follow through. You can too.